Anyone who has ever lit up a Marlboro on a cool night, standing outside of a restaurant after a perfect Italian meal settling in, knows what a joy those first few puffs can be.

Anyone who has had the epic phone call with that significant other on the other end knows how right back-to-back-to-back smokes can be.

Anyone who has smoked knows how nicotine nearly neutralizes negativity and stress, particularly combined with coffee or beer.

Everyone who smokes cigarettes knows how awful it is, how terrible it smells and tastes, and how badly they wish they could quit each and every day.

But most smokers don’t quit. At least not until it’s too late. And by then, why quit anyway? That’s what some say. That’s what my dad said before he passed from smoking-related cancer.

—–

SMOKE EM IF YOU GOT EM, OR NOT.

So I, Ryan Saves (your humble super hero), have quit smoking. Yes yes, bla bla bla, I know, how could I smoke?! Well, I suppose it’s because I used to (and sometimes still am) such a BAMF. No, no. I started when I was young, and it’s the only bad habit (other than being irresistably charming) I couldn’t break years ago. (And yes, my brand’s always been Marlboro, mostly Lights, and when really broke- GPC’s and 305′s… *shudder*.) Smoked for about a decade, starting at age 17. I know. We Were Dumb Once, …and Young.

I’ve quit smoking before, but I always go back. Correction: I used to always go back. Not this time. Armed with an arsenal of snacks and a fake-it-til-you-make-it mentality, and a bit of Faith, and a few friends who give a damn, I’m doing it. I am healthy. I am smoke free. I am athletic and successful. I am spouting useless yet true cliches. Hey, quitting smoking is worth spouting cliches any day.

So I’ve decided to share about how I quit smoking, and how that might help 1 or 2 of you quit as well. I know I only have about 10 people read this, and that means 1-3 of you smoke. So this is for you. And perhaps as a reminder to the sanctimonious non-smokers to treat smokers with a little more respect (smokers are NOT crooks, wife beaters, pedos, or arsonists… well maybe accidental arsonists,) and a little more understanding when they see smokers quit the sh*t for good.

I’ll start off with my Quitter’s Arsenal aka the things you (I) need to quit. The next entry will show you what Days 1 and 2 are like for people (me) who have just quit. I’m actually on Day 4 now, but we’ll catch up to present soon. Plus, I wrote about this already elsewhere.

—–

QUITTER’S ARSENAL:

BUTT OUT SMOKING (ha….ha.)

To successfully quit smoking you have three options: Cold Turkey, Nicotine Supplement, or Therapy.

Cold Turkey: You use no substances or mental trickery to quit. You just quit. The hardest to pull off, yet it is the most rewarding in the end.

Nicotine Supplement: The Patch. The Gum. The Eletronic Cig (with and without nicotine.) And a plethora of other products that help you ween off that dastardly devilish drug we all love so much. There is nothing wrong with using any of these methods, in fact I recommend it, particularly the E-Cig.

Therapy: Hypnosis. Acupuncture. Counseling. Church counseling. I won’t knock any of these methods, but I will look at them with a quizzical amused expression. Not for me, but if it helps someone else, Hallelujah.

As for me and my lungs? We chose Cold Turkey.

Here’s the Weapons I used to Fight it.

ARSENAL:

The Snacks: (oral/hand/fidgety) I know that sounds a bit dirty, but many smokers do form oral and hand fixations when smoking. You have to do something to ween yourself off of constantly holding cigarettes. Here’s where snacking can help you.

Phase One: Junkier The Better.
I use Pretzel Sticks, Twizlers, crackers (of all kinds), and occasionally beef
jerkey and chocolate (choc pudding? yes!) You can use whatever can get
you through the first week. Whatever is snacky enough for your tastes, and
what is similiar to cigarettes, i.e. p-sticks and twizlers. And chewing gum.

Phase Two: Apples to Oranges.
After a week or two, you may be eternally tired of your chosen snack foods.
This is when I start mixing it up with apples, oranges, grapes, celery, etc.
If you’re anything like me, you’ll be on a semi-health kick, and really these
things will sound heavenly after youve consumed 22 lbs. of Twizlers. And
chewing gum, and candy.

Phase Three: The Once In Awhile.
A few weeks after quitting you’ll hate snacking, and if you haven’t been
excersing you’ll hate the weight you’ve gained, But it’s all worth it.
By now you’ll still want the occasional apple or pretzel stick, but you
should be okay now. After a couple months, you’ll probably only need
the occasional candy (sugar free is better) or piece of gum. But even
if you’re still snack crazy, that’s perfectly okay. DON”T GO BACK TO
SMOKING. Don’t do it.

(p.s. mad soda (aka pop) helps me the first couple weeks. I personally drink Dr. Pepper!)

The Support:
Make absolutely sure you have at least one other person (with patience) that can be your hang-out friend and cheerleader. It’s better if you can get a few. To help distract you at times, especially if you have to suddenly change what you’re doing due to stress. So get a few friends and family members to hang out, support you, and be nice for that first week. Long distance friends can be a help, but make sure you have one person to spend time with too. If you have to work while quitting… God Bless you, but keep at it! Get a coworker to chill with you on breaks and at lunch.

The Mindset:
YOU HAVE TO WANT TO QUIT. You have to want it more than you usually want some-thing. More than you want that raise, more than the co-ed that you exchange smiles with at the gym, more than that second piece of baklava, more than other pointless examples I could come up with. You don’t have to be 100%, you can try it being 75% convinced. But by Day 2 you’d better be close to fully committed, or it won’t work. WANT IT.

If you have Faith in God, live that Faith. If you believe in the power of positive thoughts, banish the negative ones constantly. If you believe in humanity, well I feel bad for you… just kidding, haha. Whatever you believe in, use that to help. You’ll need the support.

HEALTH! What really helps me is getting on a health kick. It happens every time I’ve quit smoking. After a day or two, I begin to start walking/jogging/sprinting. Each time I go (every other day) my stamina increases and I love it more. IT’S LIKE MY LUNGS ARE BREATHING AGAIN. I feel like I’m exhaling the sh*t I’ve been inhaling for years. I also play basketball and raquetball with friends as much as I can. Whatever I can do to improve my health and get my lungs working OT. Also, being active helps you not want to smoke, makes you more tired, and reminds you what you’ve been missing by smoking. You can’t beat that. And if you can’t be too active due to injury or age, then do what you can. Every little bit helps.

“Do or do not, there is no try” – Yoda, Star Wars.

It took me several attempts to finally quit smoking (see my mindset here ) and I really didn’t have to. I could have done it early on, but I didn’t. So if you mess up, you can and must try again. Just remember, once you pass 4 days (physically) and 7-10 days (mentally) you’ve jumped most of the hurdles. Why do that to yourself again? But hey, just keep trying, and eventually you’ll finally do what Yoda says- Do or do not.

—–

That’s how I combat Nicotine Withdrawal and one of the most ingrained physical-mental habits humans could ever experience. Quitting smoking is more akin to proper dieting for morbidly obese people than it is to say cocaine or peyote. It’s such a CONSTANT factor all throughout the day for smokers to smoke and for the obese to eat and snack. It’s hard to break that kind of habit. Hard to reform those pesky neural pathways in your head. But you can do it. You just have to want to do it. Get some snacks, friends, faith, belief, running shoes, and if you need to- the patch or gum or e-cig. And do it. Jump in. Do it. Because you know what? You can. You really can. I am.

Next time: Days 1-3, The Hellish Days (And How To Beat It)

p.s. I am turning into a Pretzel Stick!